Dear Clive

Dear Clive,

     Do you mind if I address you by that nickname? Your real name is such a mouthful, Epithelial Papillary Serous Carcinoma, III. Who uses such titles these days? Jerky fart faces like you, that's who.

   You insinuated yourself into my life, crying for attention. Making a big ruckus that was all about you, you, you. I stopped everything just to tend to you and your wishes. I gave up my job for you. I lost a boat load of friends. Nobody wants to be around the guy who always has to have all the attention. I restructured my life to account for your presence. I gave over control of my body. I gave up everything for you.

   I tried to break up with you, but you wouldn't leave. You hid in the corner in the dark where you thought I couldn't see you. But I heard you breathing and knew you were there. You stalked me until I was paralyzed, afraid to do anything that might rile you. I gave up my favorite foods because someone told me that you liked it too. I ate nasty things because someone told me you would hate them too. I did everything for you.

  Well, I have had enough! I am moving on. I know you got wind of my plan last week because you had a temper tantrum last night. Marianne Williamson was right when she called you a bratty child vying for attention. A bratty child who wants to do everything his own way. A bratty child who ignores others for the satisfaction of his own selfish needs.  There must be a way to get through to you and make you stop.

   I recognize that you are part of me. You came from me. You are me. By striking you, I am striking myself. A strike might deplete you, but it also depletes me. I am striving to replenish and heal myself. I want to not hate you. (Marianne says I should love you.)  The fighting all the time with you is exhausting. I want to be whole. I want peace. We need to do this together. I cannot do this if you act out, even a little.  You need to get in line, join the program, make nice with your neighbors. You are not the only one who needs things. You don't have to be defensive and nasty and ....well, you don't have to be a bully. We can do this, but only if you make nice.

Sincerely,
Me