I am struggling with keeping that positive outlook alive. My chemo is finished, but my recovery is slower that I would like. I am so frustrated and bored with my situation. I am stuck with a walker and sometimes don't think I will ever regain my strength and balance. I am afraid to admit to this defeatist stream of consciousness. Everyone knows that you need a positive outlook to survive cancer. Am I allowing bad juju when I think less than positive thoughts? What am I doing to my body when I get discouraged? All I want is to feel better. All I want is to be able to eat a meal without suffering bowel trouble. All I want is to be able to walk to the mailbox. All I want is to be normal. Is that so much to ask for?
I am trying to hear and feel the negative, recognize it and release it, be rid of it. I am trying to find a moment of fun and frivolity every day. I am trying to laugh again. It's a constant struggle, this positive outlook stuff. I am working on it.
You said, "Everyone knows that you need a positive outlook to survive cancer." I'm not certain that is true. While it is good to be positive I'm certain there must be at least ONE cancer survivor in total remission who had a really, really rotten attitude! Dontcha think? lol.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow ovca, I send you hugs and encouragement. Your body has been through cancer hell and needs some recuperation time. One day at a time, my friend, one day at a time.
Personally I do believe an pos attitude is good, but hey, last time I looked, you were still human, and you will experience the full spectrum of our emotions. Please do not let the experiencing of negative emotions pull you futher down. Experience them in their full splendour, but remember not to wallow in them - you have to get up the next day and face life squarely in the face and this time around you have fun and laugth!
ReplyDeleteYour statement, "I know I haven't posted anything in quite awhile. I have always tried to compose posts that have a message, a positive spin in the end. I have nothing positive to say right now and that has kept me from sharing." Hits home for me. I'm very much the same way. So sorry.
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteWe are here to listen, and please share your troubles and your smileys. I completely understand the issue with just being able to eat and not suffer. I have to be very regimented about what I eat, my enzymes, supplements, fluids to prevent problems or I suffer pain. I think those of us in OVCA land experience a unique type of pain. Just remember that you are not alone. My surgery was 072909, and I still have side effects. Hang on there! Don't beat yourself up for beating yourself up!
Peace and Blessings to you