Today I will.....

     I stare at my keyboard. It's not for want of words, but because of a bounty of words. My notes on ideas litter the house. My trouble comes when I try to distill my thoughts and ideas into a clear concise blog post. I don't want to be a whiner. I don't want to be falsely upbeat either. I just want to be genuine. I page through the notebooks and scraps of paper looking for a theme. Little snippets quickly scrawled before the thought escapes. Notes on treatment, notes on life, notes on words, notes on spirituality, notes on perceptions, notes on emotions, notes and notes and notes and notes. I find it impossible to pick just one note. These notes all work together, they overlap and complement each other. I cannot pluck one note and expect to be able to convey the complexity of the whole symphony.

     I think I am onto something here. Cancer is big, but it's a billion little things assembled that are impossible to know quickly. Those little pieces will factor into every decision made for the rest of your life. The decision may be as simple as what to eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear, what to do that day. My cancer rides on my shoulder, whispering in my ear all day. It says "Eat high fiber grains for breakfast to avoid a bowel obstruction and a trip to the hospital". It says "Wear your warm hat because you will get cold because you still have no hair because you had chemo". It asks "Do you have enough energy to be away from home for 6 hours? How about your bowel? Can you be that far from a toilet today?" It's a nag. It's my constant companion and cannot be ignored for very long.

     So, I have managed to pluck a few little notes after all. This is the morning routine at my house as I live it day by day. I have found that is the only way to live with cancer, one day at a time. I am reminded of the old joke that asks how to eat an elephant. The answer is that you eat one bite at a time. So, I will continue to share my elephant of a story with you, one day at a time, one bite at a time.