Labels

 Patient.

Victim.

Survivor.

Warrior.

Veteran.




I have been struggling with labels. I have bandied about each of these words, tried them on and none of them quite fit. None of these words can describe how I feel about myself right now.


Patient

   In the strictest sense of the word, this is accurate. Yet, the word implies active treatment, taking drugs, seeing doctors. I have cancer, but I am not in active treatment against my cancer at the moment. This is called remission. I only check in with the doctor every 3 months. I need to live life away from the doctors and hospitals as much as possible.  Too restricting. 

Victim

  No one wants to be a victim.

Survivor.

    The most common term. Proponents of this word argue that every cancer patient is a survivor from the day of diagnosis. I am  alive; ergo I am a survivor. This seems simple enough. Too simple. When I hear someone described as a Survivor, I think of a single event that is now over and the danger has passed.  Like the sinking of the Titanic. Or a plane crash. Does this relate to cancer? Well, cancer is certainly a harrowing, life-threatening experience. The difference is that I can survive this initial onslaught and still die from cancer years later. I am alive, but the danger is never past. Too misleading.

Warrior.

    This implies that I am fighting for my life. Well, okay, I am hoping to live as long as possible. Here's the rub...I  cannot be healthy in the adrenaline-surged state of "fight". Fighting requires loads of energy and loads of cortisol coursing through your veins. Cancer loves this.  Plus, there's that subtle  innuendo that those who succumb to cancer were not fighting hard enough. Too distasteful.

Veteran

    I was in favor of this term for quite awhile. It showed that I had done battle and survived, but it was in my past. Veterans have been to hell and probably don't want to talk about it all the time. People seem to respect my physical status, but most likely question my mental status. The biggest drawback is that this term detracts from the true veterans, the military veterans. Too vague.

Thriver!

   I want to be called a Thriver. Someone who has peace and acceptance of the circumstance and has constructed a life that nurtures and heals the  body and soul. Someone who  understands the future may or may not involve cancer again, and accepts that either way. Someone who takes each day and spends it the best way possible for that day. Someone who understands that sometimes the best thing to do to nurture your body is to pull back and rest and sometimes the best thing to do to nurture your soul is to stretch your boundaries, or vice versa. Someone who recognizes in each day a little peace, a little love, a little joy.  Today I found peace in the creative process piecing a stained glass window together. I found love when my sister OC ladies rallied to support a grieving sister. I found joy when I managed a difficult balancing pose. These things made me stronger today. I thrived today. That's the word that fits me today.