Return to Wholeness

My recovery from cancer treatment is complex. I struggle daily with medical issues from lingering side effects of chemotherapy. I take massive amounts of basic electrolytes to maintain normal blood levels. I shuffle around on numb feet. I regularly attend a cancer support group to learn from others and maybe to help others. I see a psychologist to help myself integrate what has happened to me with what I will become. I go to physical therapy to rebuild my wrecked body. I rely on interaction with friends and family to help me return to society. I don't work yet, hell, I can't really walk yet. I do all of these things in faith that I am recovering, a little bit every day.

But I am feeling schizoid. I have divided my online transmissions into sectors. I blog about books on LiveJournal. I update my medical progress on Pharmgirll Wire. I tweet. I blog here about my state of mind. I post on Flickr. I post crafty things in Creation Corner. I post food in Kathy's Kitchen. (I like alliteration.) I journal on Inspire. Mostly, I update on Facebook. I started all these different areas as a means to avoid boring you. I realize now that I have been presenting only one facet of myself on each site. A fractured facet, if you will.

Recovery is about returning to wholeness. Trauma fractures you. (what..too soon?) I am striving to find wholeness in my life. I am ultimately looking for purpose and reason, but I will settle for being whole, not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Not that I know how to do that, yet. I am going to propel myself a few steps down that path by consolidating my profiles. My day to day life will leak onto these pages. Now that I am thinking about it, that is exactly how recovery can work. Each day can bring a little bit of normalcy, a little less about cancer and a little bit more about cooking and crochet. That sounds nice.