Bad Days Happen Too

    I want to thank everyone who reads these things. I try to keep a positive spin on things when I am writing. Doing that helps me help myself. It teaches me how to focus on the positive side. But sometimes I fail. Sometimes I have bad days. I feel the need to share those days too. I want to represent a more accurate capsule of my existence. Ready, go.....

   All this chemo is finally catching up to  me. I left the house to have lunch and go shopping with my cousin and somewhere picked up a cold. I have very few white blood cells, thus no immunity, so it wasn't very hard to get sick. I avoid crowds of people because they are so...germy. I am kicking myself for obviously dropping my guard and neglecting my sanitizer.  I have been taking iron tablets because I don't have any red blood cells either and  those tablets make me really nauseous. Then I take my nausea meds and those make me really tired. Throw some cold medication on top of that and I am useless for hours. I had to drag my pitiful body  to the lab twice today. I used to park in the farthest spot and walk to get some exercise. Today I parked right by the elevator. I am short of breath and tired and pale white. It turns out that I have even fewer red blood cells than I thought, my doctor has ordered a transfusion of 2 units of blood.  I look like a ghost, a bald ghost. I am the same color I remember being before my surgeries. This makes me worry about the cancer becoming resistant to treatment and growing again. I am actually relieved to find out I only need some red blood cells. If I can only make it until tomorrow, because I feel like a wet pile of noodles. I am emotionally friable and cry at the drop of a kind word. And I have a huge spider bite on my elbow.

   Whew, that's it. Thanks for reading.