Scanxiety. noun. 1 a state of uneasiness and worry about the results of a future scan or test. 2 a feeling of being powerless and unable to cope with threatening events, like scans and blood tests scanxious adj.
This is my state of being this fine weekend. It crept up on me slowly and I did not recognize it at first. I have been vaguely unsettled. I am unable to focus and struggle to comprehend what I read. I find television annoying. (Now, some of you will say "duh" but I heart my shows) I have taken to starting to watch a show, cannot settle, so I pick up my crochet hook and start working on a project, any project. The noise from the tv soon interferes with my concentration, so I eventually mute the sound. I work for hours, often until 2am or so. When I sleep, I dream my recurring pharmacy dream. In this dream, people keep dropping off fistfuls of prescriptions to be filled until I am overwhelmed. I wake up stressed and tired. This morning, I got the automated phone call to remind me of my appointment with my oncologist next week. Ah, there it is. I am scanxious about next week.
Scanxiety is common among cancer survivors. These scans and blood tests hold the key to our futures. Will we get a good result and a free pass for living for a few months? Or will we get a result that requires action, like more surgery or more chemo? These results define our futures. My cancer surveillance requires check-ins every 3 months, so my scanxiety peaks every 3 months or so.
So....I will have my blood drawn on Monday for my CA-125 level. I will try to forget about it on Tuesday. I will have my power port flushed on Wednesday morning and visit with my doctor in the afternoon. He will examine me (read poke and palpate) and tell me the results of my blood test. And then I will know what to do for the next 3 months. Until then, I hold my breath.........
